Halloween Baby

Dear Little J,

Today was a busy day for the two of us! A day that began very early and loud, thanks to your seemingly causeless wailing. You were such a mama's boy today! If you weren't in my arms or you couldn't see me, you SCAAAH-REAMED. I am honestly shocked I got as much done as I did. You are three days shy of three months old, just thought you should know. Not anywhere near two or three years where I was expecting this business to begin. Regardless, this day is going to stick out in my mind for many years to come.

Our first Halloween week together!

Can you believe it?!

You got me up at around 7, which hasn't happened in a while. You had spent the night at your Meema's a couple of days ago, I wondered if that had thrown your schedule off. We laid in bed and cat-napped until eleven. That is, when you weren't screaming like a tortured banshee. I have never heard you, or anyone else with your lung capacity, reach that decibel before. I didn't think it was even possible. It was not unlike my eardrums shattering and melting out of my ears like hot oil. I got up and rocked you in the antique rocking chair your great grandma brought us a few days ago. You went right to sleep. As did I. Rocker does not have arms; disaster ensued. 

At eleven I got up with every intention of cleaning the whole house. Unsurprisingly I sat on the computer until 2:30 after briefly picking up the living room. I hunted down some recipes I wanted to try out. You continued to shout at me, never stopping. I called your g-gma and asked if she would take us to pick out pumpkins. She had to drive in from her work at 4 so she didn't get to the house until 5.

We went to the dirty bird and picked up some groceries and the pumpkins. Three pumpkins. Baby, I spent over twelve dollars on essentially an overpriced squash. While you yelled at me from the cart. We saw the couple who had their daughter just a few hours after you were born, I think I'll try to make you two hang out sometime. You need someone your own age to yell at, right? I picked up all the ingredients for a couple of pumpkin pies, including a TEN DOLLAR BOTTLE OF CARDAMOM. Do you know how much a pound, roughly the weight of my enormous, burned index finger, of Cardamom costs? $62.21.  *jaw-drop* Are you aware of how many Mexicans and snotty nosed toddlers I had to climb over to get that meager few ounces of Cardamom? I swear to god if I never see another pumpkin or pinch of Cardamom EVER AGAIN IN MY LIFE, I can die happy. I finally make it out of there without any infliction of bodily harm and we get to the house.

Meema and Papa met us there with the camera and Papa played with you for a long time. They were paranoid I was going to cut my hand off while carving our pumpkins. They're crazy.

I finally get our Jack-O'Lantern finished and move on to cleaning the pumpkin for the pies. It took me forever since I was trying to save the seeds to roast later on. I cut up the shell and put it in the oven to soften. It took about triple the time I thought it would. I had to puree all of the 10 pounds of pumpkin and my processor only holds about 10 oz at a time. All this was accomplished while holding you on one hip. So after the fillings were mixed together (stupid, stupid Cardamom clung to my nasal passages for at least an hour, making me sneeze/scare the shit out of you) Pies in the oven gave me the chance to put up some decorations. I think decorating and going all out for holiday's is important. I believe I'll instill that in you. I want to make traditions for us. The low-carb pie I baked for Meema turned out great, and quickly. Papa's did not. Because in hindsight I made a very obvious, very blonde mistake. Both turned out great.

Meema came, exhausted, to pick up the pies and cream. She tasted a bite and told me there was "a lot of Cardamom" in it. (ARGHHHHHHHH!) In the hour I had laid you on your tummy on the floor to sleep, you had shit up the back and down the legs of your cute long-john jammies. Luckily your grandma changed you and took out the trash. Because honestly I wouldn't have been surprised if I worked up the courage to breathe while changing you and caught a whiff of Cardamom mixed with soggy diaper.

Now we're sitting on the couch, you in my lap, me trying to blog with three fingers. You are finally quiet, still, comforted. I am going to remember this so vividly. Our first real (soon-to-be) holiday. My favorite one of the year, mind you.

Candles are lit, lights are strung, silent, save for the wind and soft snores. Warmth, the smells of pumpkin and spice curling their fingers around every door, sneaking. Hot tea, heavy lap, tiny whimpers. Tired limbs, quiet tears, lasting smiles. Content.

You are my truest friend, the keeper of my secrets. An invariable drip in my cavernous heart, filling, fuller and fuller, brimming, to levels I could not seemingly embody before. I did not know love before i created you; nor life's purpose until I gifted life to you.

You have woken me from a mirthless dormancy, you, too, have given the gift of life back to me. You stirred the unrecoverable. Surfaced the descended.

Love is a feeble attempt at naming what I feel for you.

Thank you for every minute.

-Mama

the greater good

So, I was reading a mommy-blog and came across an opinion piece on this article.

If you don't want to read it all, basically a two year old was being so disruptive on a bus in B.C. that it was affecting the drivers ability to operate it safely. He then asked the mother and her kid to get off of the bus. Now a bunch of pissed off women everywhere are mad at the transit service. The woman got four free bus tickets.

Why is this even up for debate?

If something, anything, is distracting a single person operating a huge, heavy piece of machinery carrying 60+ people going at speeds in an excess of 30 mph, they need to do whatever is necessary to make sure they can do it efficiently and safely.

If the baby had distracted the driver enough, so that he crashed the bus, it would be very obvious who was at fault. This wasn't discrimination against mothers, it was a safety precaution. This is the same concept as why stewardesses don't allow drunk passengers on airplanes to walk around or interact with other people. It has the potential to be dangerous. I'm sure the driver would have kicked anyone off who was impairing his driving ability.

Kids cry. They throw fits. But if your child's uncontrollable behavior is putting another person in danger, you need to either reign them in or remove yourself from the situation.

Don't be a self-centered bitch.

The driver had every right to do what he did. This lady needs to buy a car and stfu.

i want this

Restarting the blog.

I guess I got a little wrapped up in things, so I will try to start up where I left off. (Leaving out names and identifiable things.) J will be three months old in four days and I can hardly believe it. He's growing so fast it's unbelievable.

I am starting to do sign language with him, I figured it's never too early to start. It is going to be so handy when he finally starts doing it. I assume it will take a lot of frustration out of trying to convey what he wants to me. We have a pretty good routine worked out, it's so nice to be a stay at home mom. I am trying to get him on a sleep schedule, but I gathered that as log as I have the means and ability to let him go at his own pace I should do it as long as possible. I have been working with him on strength and coordination in the bath tub. He loves the water so I think that's the best place to start teaching him things. Plus, after one of our "sessions," it wears him out so much he usually sleeps for 10 or 12 hours.

I am not sure what to write about any more because nothing new ever really happens. I'm still a single mom, still going to school. Well, no school this term but I will be going back Winter term. Still working on my degree in Corrections and got offered a really sweet volunteer position at the District Attorney's office. I'm pretty happy about it. It's tough to get your foot in the door in this town anywhere in the criminal justice system. You have to know people, or at least know people who know people. I'm thinking this is me wedging my foot in.

So many of my friends are pregnant right now it seems. It makes me want another baby even more. Some of them I'm a little scared about because I don't think they can handle it, at least not for very long. I think everyone should be a parent if they are capable and have the motivation. I fear for some of these peoples future children. But others are going to do great and I wish them well. I'm so excited for a certain couple that moved up north a while back. I can't wait to find out what they are having in a couple of weeks. I've been thinking a lot about trying for another baby. I think I will probably try to have one in the next two years or so.

I guess this is really just an update. I'm not really in the mood to write. I should be updating this at least every other day, though. I'm sure I'll spit out something interesting pretty soon.